Sunday, May 13, 2012

How I became fat

Where do I begin?
Demarie, mom, me and Angela in 2006
I've always struggled with my weight. I have come to terms that I will always have to work at being fit and healthy. My mom always said that she could tell from when I was very little that I liked to eat-A lot. I just never got full and I was always hungry.

What I'm about to confess is something that is very personal to me. If I haven't told you before, please don't be offended. I have chosen to tell very few people about this... and it's nothing personal. Just the fact that I'm fat is not something I like to talk to people about. Some of you might have wondered or guessed... but I'll just tell you:

In February 2007 I had gastric bypass surgery. I thought it was the start of a new life. And it was.... for a little while. I lost about 80 pounds and quickly.

 It was really hard, and it hurt. Not just the surgery part, but 3 years afterwards I would get sick nearly every time I ate. I still sometimes get sick after I eat. I mistakenly thought that after having the surgery, I would never have to worry about putting on weight again.

And then disaster hit. My world as I knew it came crumbling to the ground. My family: the foundation I had always counted on was falling apart. After 31 years of marriage my dad broke the news to me and my sister that him and my mother had decided to get a divorce. It blindsided me.

I feel like with most divorces, people know they are coming. That was not the case here. It literally came out of nowhere. Maybe I had chosen to become oblivious to the obvious lack of love my parents had started showing to each other. I had always been able to count on my parents and to realize out they weren't perfect people was hard. It was almost too much for me.

So, I started to find comfort in the things I could count on and control.... food. Not only did I turn to food but I did the one thing they told us I could never do after having the surgery.... and that was drink ANY kind of soda. The reason you are not supposed to drink it, is because the carbination stretches out your stomach.

Now, I'm not sure if that's the sole reason I gained all the weight back (My Dr. Pepper addiction.) But it surely didn't help, I'm sure.

Why did I do it if I knew I wasn't supposed to? I can't really answer that. I'm not sure why. If I were to think of a deep meaning behind it, all I could say is that I think it was the one thing in my life I felt like I could control... and it brought me (temporary) happiness.

If I could take back having the surgery, I would. Before having the surgery, my parents asked me to pray about having it to see if it was the right option for me and I did.... and I got the answer, "no." But I wanted it SO badly that I didn't listen. I lied to my parents and told them I got the answer yes. They don't know that, I haven't told anybody that until now. And I feel really bad about it. I wish I had listened.

I feel like now having had the surgery it hinders my weight loss. Why? Because I am constantly hungry. I can't eat as much and I'm only full for about 5 minutes until I'm FULL ON HUNGRY (as if I had never eaten) again. 5 minutes. No exaggeration. My stomach found ways to adapt. And I just digest my food ultra fast. And I mean ultra fast.

I am now heavier then I was before I had the surgery. 20 pounds heavier to be exact. I hate that fact, actually.

This time, I'm determined to not take the easy way out but do this the right way.... through diet and exercising. I've been really struggling the past couple of days and so I am calling out all my favors to you, my readers. Please ask me how I'm doing emotionally, and how the diet is going. Call me to go on a hike or a walk or just your little words of encouragement help! I need you guys!

If you have any questions about what I have just asked you please feel free to leave a comment with your question and I will try to answer every question.

**Deep sigh**

There, I did it. I told you.


  1. It takes a lot, and I mean A LOT of courage to admit your faults, and your mistakes. I admire you GREATLY for doing this, and for your drive and will to change your behavior. I am so happy for you Candy, love you and believe in you. Just remember to let Heavenly Father and Jesus in. You cannot do this alone. But through Him, all things are possible. You have a righteous desire, and he knows how much you have gone through, and how hard you are trying, and He will fill in the gaps, and carry you when life gets too hard to bear. Never forget that Candy.

  2. candy! do you have netflix?? if so, you should watch this show called HEAVY. its sorta like the biggest looser but they don't have teams and stuff and its a lot more personal. they follow two people every episode who check themselves into a facility in an effort to get healthier since their weight puts them in danger of conditions such as diabetes and heart disease (some of them are 500-600 pounds). anyways, its just so inspirational to me and i bet it would be inspirational to you too! every time i watch them working so hard it makes me want to go to the gym and do the same. they have dietitians, nutritionists, and therapists who help them along the way. if they can do it the right way, i know for sure you can!!!

  3. Candy I know you can do this. You are such a strong willed girl. I know you are, I saw it when I lived with you. Never give up. Christ is right alongside you, He knows EXACTLY what you are feeling, and He WILL help you as you help yourself. You are amazing girl!

  4. Candace you should know how much we all love you and we would never think less of you for anything. I appreciate your honestly and it just make me love and appreciate you more to know what you've been through. I hope you continue to stay positive and always focus on the amazing qualities that you do have. You are kind, thoughtful, fun, a good listener, a good friend, a great dresser, creative, the best massage therapist I have ever been to and my whole entire life I have thought you are beautiful. I am proud of you for every decision you make on this journey. Keep it up!!

  5. Candace, you are amazing! I can tell that something "clicked" in you... until it clicks it's hard to make the change for life, but I think it clicked and you are ready to kick trash!!! I can't wait to run the 5k with you!

  6. Candy I think you are amazing! Love you!

  7. Candace! I don't know if you even remember me, we haven't seen each other since early high school, but your story is amazing!! This may not mean much, but I will be following your progress on this diet! I know you can do it! if you keep your goal in mind and know that you will feel much healthier and happier throughout the process, it won't seem as hard! Good luck, and stick with it! :)
    P.S. i am so sorry to hear about your parents! I'm sure it's devastating to have the example of what a great marriage looks like only to have it crushed in one instant! I hope that makes you want to prove it wrong, and work hard to make your marriage what you've always dreamed it would be!

  8. You can do it! Just keeping praying and asking for help! I am so sorry about your parents divorce. Mine patent just got divorced after 32 years of marriage. My mom lefty dad and moved to Michigan. It was devastating. If you ever want to talk. I am here.

  9. My auto correct made my comment weird lol sorry

  10. Some days are harder than others. You can do it!

  11. You are extremely brave, Miss Anderson. (I'm so used to calling you Candace, but I think you told me you don't like that anymore!) I admire you for your bravery, your honesty, and for everything you've fought for and against. I wish I could take walks with you! I am on the same journey... I lost weight in early 2011 (not much, but enough to make me feel a lot better about myself) and since moving back in with my parents, it's all back and then some. It sucks! But I have faith in you and in me. Keep up the good work!

  12. Your parents' divorce rocked my world a bit too. It always does with strong people...people we look up to. I understand why that threw you for a tail-spin. Candy- you got your head on right. You know you have done dumb things and you are taking resonsibility. Now, we (yes,we..I am trying to change my lifestyle too...10 lbs down!!) just need to stay motivated and press onward. YOU CAN DO IT. Pray, pray and pray. For motivation, for self-control, for happiness thru it all. Seriously, it helps. Also, have you read "He did Deliver me from Bondage"? Its amazing and deals with food addiction. Read it. ASAP. Also the churchs' addiction recovery program might really help you out. I went for a while for food addiction. Just a few suggestions that have helped me along the way :)

  13. It was really nice talking to you today on Facebook. Remember you are not alone and I know you can do it!