Sunday, April 15, 2012

Why am I doing this?

It's actually quite a sad story. I haven't felt that sad, hurt, disappointed and confused for a long time, if at all ever.

I met someone I was starting to really have true feelings for. This guy seemed to have it all and I was definitely falling in love with him. He said he was feeling the same way and so naturally he wanted his parents to meet me. I hadn't fallen this hard for a guy in a LONG time and I had never been so nervous to meet someone's parents. I'm really good with people and most parents I've met have easily liked me... so I knew I shouldn't be nervous. But I really liked this one...

For three days I fretted over the perfect outfit to wear. How would I wear my hair? What shoes would go good with my outfit? I think I literally spent about 3 hours (triple the amount of time it normally takes me) showering, blow-drying my hair to perfection and making sure my make-up was perfect.

The picture above was taken of Michael (name has been changed out of privacy) and me right before we were to meet his parents. Michael had repeatedly told me how much his mother would like me and how well we would get along. He described her has very friendly and good with people that I was most excited to meet her.

We went to dinner and I was introduced to his parents but his mom didn't talk much. Anyways, we went on with the night and I didn't think much of it. Everybody has "off" days and maybe she just wasn't as chatty as Michael had described her to be.

Sunday comes around and Michael had invited me over for General Conference (a televised portion of our church that happens semi-annually where we get to hear from our leaders.) After General Conference, Michael goes and talks to his dad about some business they had and I was left with his mom. I suddenly got really nervous. This was it. Either she likes me or she doesn't.

It was clear from talking to her for 3 minutes that she already didn't like me. I racked my brain over every conversation we had ever had how on earth she could have a negative impression of me and could come up with nothing. She talks to me for a little bit, asking questions here and there but it was the first time I had felt uncomfortable in front of someone in a very long time. She didn't seem to care about me or the questions she was asking me. She seemed to be doing it because she had to.

Later, when Michael was done talking business with his dad she asks if she can talk to him (Michael) privately for a moment. My heart sunk. I'm really good at reading people and their body language and it was clear from hers that she wasn't a fan of me. I hoped that I wasn't being paranoid and maybe she was talking to him about something else.... but something in the back of my head told me she was talking about me.

I remember the last time I felt like that was in High School. When some friends would back stab another friend to get up higher on the food chain. That's why I hated High School.... it brought out the worst in people.

Michael lives in Salt Lake and we were planning on making the 50 minute drive to Provo to introduce him to my family. I didn't wait long once we got into the car to ask the question, since it was burrowing away at my soul,
"what did your mom say when she pulled you aside?" I asked, hoping I was just being paranoid. I wasn't.
He let out a deep sigh and his honesty struck at my heart with the words, "She said she was concerned about your weight."

Wow. Really? I had spent all that time trying to look perfect and be perfect to meet someone when it wouldn't have mattered??? My weight is why she doesn't like me?

My heart felt like someone had just strapped a twenty pound weight to my left  and right ventricular valves. I started asking him more questions hoping that he had stood up for me, but I found out that he barely had.

To make a long story short, three days later Michael's mom came over and convinced him that a life with me was not what he would want... and then he broke up with me. That was the sole reason he broke up with me. That was it, his mother thought I was fat and it bothered her.

That night and days following were some of the hardest I have ever experienced. It's still really really hard. I still really care about Michael and I'm still trying to work towards forgiving him and his mother. Sometimes it just takes time.

Ironically, the same General Conference in which his mother pulled him aside about my weight was the one where I heard this quote,

If I have one message to Michael's mom, it would be not to judge me because I sin differently from her. Just because I wear my flaws so the whole world can see them does NOT mean I'm not an amazing girl who would have loved your son with a love you would have only hoped for.

As much as I would love to hate her... I don't. I feel sorry for her. And any girl Michael chooses to marry. And believe me... when I'm 80 pounds thinner I'll be smiling at you. And then, your son would only wish I was in his league.

17 comments:

  1. I'll kill her.
    cause I love youuuu

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  2. WOW!! CANDY!! You are a total sweetheart! I know that you can reach your goals! You are a super tough and dedicated woman! If you every need help or anything you have me and my wife to lean on! You are amazing and have so much to offer the world! Your future husband will be the one that truly appreciates and loves you for who you are, and we fight his hardest to make you happy, and help you reach your potential!
    ~Brandon Berrett

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  3. "Will" not we fight his hardest ha ha I cant spell when im mad ha ha

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  4. Wow. That is a CRAZY story. I can't believe that. You totally are right in the end though and I'm so proud of you for being so strong. You are honestly so amazing! Your future husband is going to be so lucky to have you.

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  5. Just wanted to tell you that I am so proud of you with all your blogging and everything you've said. Your post you just barely put up is so hard to read.. and makes me feel sick inside. I know that you can do whatever you put your mind to Candy girl!! You are one of the funnest girls I know with one of the brightest spirits and we all have things that we struggle with. You aren't alone! I am totally routing (sp??) for you and I am always up for anything!!

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  6. First of all there is a special place for women like her! That is completely unacceptable for her to judge you! I know FOR A FACT how big your heart is and how many amazing things you have to offer to a man! I also know that there is an amazing man who will get to enjoy all of you ( no matter what size you are) forever and ever and i know that his mother will adore you! I know this because I lived it! You were by my side durring a lot of it :) I love you and I am so proud of you!

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  7. Candy that story breaks my heart. Sad people are so closed minded and judgmental. I am proud of your attitude and positive spirit. You can do this! I know you can!!! You show her that your weight doesn't define who Candy is. She missed out on the sweet and amazing girl I lived with!

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  8. Candy that is so difficult, I can only imagine. I am inspired by you and the way you have handled the situation. I am rooting for you. I am doing the same, I am losing weight for me, for the life I want to live because I know I will experience incredible happiness I can only imagine right now. Keep going!

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  9. Wow, sad story. But keep up the good work, and try not to dwell on it.

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  10. TALK ABOUT A BULLY. What a sad mom....person, lds woman....

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  11. Proud of you for taking the high road , I would have egged her house of something!

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  12. My only advice to you is... good riddance. You don't need someone like that in your life. She would have made your life miserable. . . and obviously her son doesn't have the balls to stand up to his mom. You are a beautiful girl!! Keep moving forward and the right one will come along :).

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  13. My sister sent me to your blog today because I had a similar experience of a boy dumping me because I wasn't his ideal size. You know what. The man I married cares nothing about my size. I'm still not thin and he still thinks I'm sexy, go figure. The men and women who judge others on their size are not in tune with what the Lord looks on. Way to go for having a good attitude about it but I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. My experience kept me down for a long time and I admire anyone who can pull through this one like you have!

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  14. Wow! That's a pretty stunningly horrid story. I am glad you are using it as fuel to your fire and motivation! Good luck girl! You can do it...and you are beautiful as is, so, good riddance to "Michael"!

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  15. Candy you are a beautiful woman and you are amazing! Don't let anyone take you down, what you are doing is awesome!!!!!

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  16. Sad loss for them, cause you are an amazing person! Sorry you went through that:( So excited for you on this new journey!

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