Video

Here is only a couple of minutes of the video made by Adam Steele that I sent to The Biggest Loser. The other part that isn't in the video is pretty embarrassing. But, if you want to see it all contact me and I'll send you the link and password.

Preface:
This part of the video was taken at the 5k that I walked. (I can't run! ... yet)

I'm baaaack!

That's right! I'M BACK! 

I'm SO sorry for the obvious lack of blog posts but I was under contract that I was unable to post anything (blog post coming to explain)

But I am now able to post... so here I am... ready to lose this weight!

Let's do this mother!

Old VS. NEW

My old exercising shoes VS. my NEW exercising shoes

Yes, it's true. I was exercising in my "Toms" you see pictured above for the past 2 months. I finally had enough of the aches and pains and went to a fancy-shmancy running store to get some real shoes. I was the only fat person in that store and definitely felt out of place, but I braved through it because I needed me some shoes!

I tried on many different pairs until I found these babies! They were quite a bit over $100 but I realized with this 5K coming up I couldn't afford to ruin my feet by walking in my Toms everyday. So I splurged and bought them. Whoop whoop! SO GLAD I DID!

Now, who wants to exercise with me!?

Weekly Weigh-in

Picture taken before I went to go weigh in

So this week I didn't really keep track of my "points" that Weight Watchers has you do, but I made a lot more healthier choices. So I was unsure what the scale would say this week.

I stepped on the scale and was excited to see that I had lost another 2.6 lbs! So I've lost a total of 14.2 lbs. I bet if I were keeping track of my points I would have lost more but this is also a LIFESTYLE change so I'm just glad I made healthier choices and it showed. YAY me!

How I became fat

Where do I begin?

Demarie, mom, me and Angela in 2006

I've always struggled with my weight. I have come to terms that I will always have to work at being fit and healthy. My mom always said that she could tell from when I was very little that I liked to eat-A lot. I just never got full and I was always hungry.

What I'm about to confess is something that is very personal to me. If I haven't told you before, please don't be offended. I have chosen to tell very few people about this... and it's nothing personal. Just the fact that I'm fat is not something I like to talk to people about. Some of you might have wondered or guessed... but I'll just tell you:

In February 2007 I had gastric bypass surgery. I thought it was the start of a new life. And it was.... for a little while. I lost about 80 pounds and quickly.

 It was really hard, and it hurt. Not just the surgery part, but 3 years afterwards I would get sick nearly every time I ate. I still sometimes get sick after I eat. I mistakenly thought that after having the surgery, I would never have to worry about putting on weight again.

And then disaster hit. My world as I knew it came crumbling to the ground. My family: the foundation I had always counted on was falling apart. After 31 years of marriage my dad broke the news to me and my sister that him and my mother had decided to get a divorce. It blindsided me.

I feel like with most divorces, people know they are coming. That was not the case here. It literally came out of nowhere. Maybe I had chosen to become oblivious to the obvious lack of love my parents had started showing to each other. I had always been able to count on my parents and to realize out they weren't perfect people was hard. It was almost too much for me.

So, I started to find comfort in the things I could count on and control.... food. Not only did I turn to food but I did the one thing they told us I could never do after having the surgery.... and that was drink ANY kind of soda. The reason you are not supposed to drink it, is because the carbination stretches out your stomach.

Now, I'm not sure if that's the sole reason I gained all the weight back (My Dr. Pepper addiction.) But it surely didn't help, I'm sure.

Why did I do it if I knew I wasn't supposed to? I can't really answer that. I'm not sure why. If I were to think of a deep meaning behind it, all I could say is that I think it was the one thing in my life I felt like I could control... and it brought me (temporary) happiness.

If I could take back having the surgery, I would. Before having the surgery, my parents asked me to pray about having it to see if it was the right option for me and I did.... and I got the answer, "no." But I wanted it SO badly that I didn't listen. I lied to my parents and told them I got the answer yes. They don't know that, I haven't told anybody that until now. And I feel really bad about it. I wish I had listened.

I feel like now having had the surgery it hinders my weight loss. Why? Because I am constantly hungry. I can't eat as much and I'm only full for about 5 minutes until I'm FULL ON HUNGRY (as if I had never eaten) again. 5 minutes. No exaggeration. My stomach found ways to adapt. And I just digest my food ultra fast. And I mean ultra fast.

I am now heavier then I was before I had the surgery. 20 pounds heavier to be exact. I hate that fact, actually.

This time, I'm determined to not take the easy way out but do this the right way.... through diet and exercising. I've been really struggling the past couple of days and so I am calling out all my favors to you, my readers. Please ask me how I'm doing emotionally, and how the diet is going. Call me to go on a hike or a walk or just your little words of encouragement help! I need you guys!

If you have any questions about what I have just asked you please feel free to leave a comment with your question and I will try to answer every question.

**Deep sigh**

There, I did it. I told you.

Rough week

This week started off to a great start and slowly went down hill as the week progressed. I'm not going to lie, this week was pretty rough for me emotionally to handle. 

One thing I've come to realize about myself as I've gotten older is that what people say to me really affect me. I, more then most, am affected by what others are telling me.

This week someone that I had never met sent me a bunch of text messages filled with hateful, mean, rude words that really left me feeling pretty crappy. I know I shouldn't let what others think about me determine how I feel about myself, but it's hard for me not to.

Unfortunately, I let that be an excuse to just stop trying and on Monday I stopped watching what I was eating.

I paid the price when I stepped on the scale today and saw that I had gained 2.4 lbs. I knew I would gain a little bit, but I'm not going to let this stop me. Everybody has good weeks and bad weeks and this just happened to be a bad week for me.

But today is a new start and I promise I am not giving up. Next week I will do better!

Check back in a couple of days for an extremely personal post about "Why I'm Fat."

Avocado no-no!

Yesterday I had been doing really well counting all the calories and points in everything I ate. I decided to let myself have a treat.

I love avocado's. I could eat them by the sleeve! But I remembered from the last time I did Weight Watchers that Avocado's, like most fruits and veggies, were not 0 point foods. So I thought the most a vegetable could be is 4 points, right?

So I mashed up a full avocado, counted out 12 chips (4 points for the chips) and had a little snack. 

Then, I started to type in how many points I had used. I typed in "avocado" and my mouth dropped! TEN POINTS! Yes, ten. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!!!! That is 3 more points then I used for breakfast! (Smart Ones French Toast and Sausage)

Oh, I was so mad! Livid. I had just used 14 points for a snack that didn't even fill me up! So, I had to dip into my weekly 49 extra points Weight Watchers gives you every week for a special occasion to make it the rest of the day.

Never again will I eat a full avocado. Totally not worth it!!!!

UGH!! I'm still so mad!!!